How to find your soulmate (or not)


A soul mate is considered to be that magical person that completes us, the one we share an intense connection with and in extreme cases, we feel as if we cannot live without them. Although we find this description to be accurate for certain people we meet in our life, the truth is that if we want to be really honest, we have to admit that we can only speculate about the validity of concepts like the existence of someone who’s spiritually connected and aligned with the higher purpose of our soul.

Yet problems arise when we use the concept of soulmates to justify and tolerate abusive behavior. In my experience, that is very common in romantic relationships, when in some cases, the supposed soulmate makes our life hell, but we are convinced that we should endure any painful, unpleasant and disrespectful experience in the name of a soul connection that we are not even sure that exists. Is the concept of soulmates an absolute certainty for you or just an excuse to justify that you are putting yourself in the suffering role of a martyr that has to go through a series of trials in order to get the final reward? This playing with fire usually results in great emotional pain and can cause many problems.

That being said, it’s relatively easy for us to protect ourselves from such a predicament, as intuitively, we all know deep down when things are working in a relationship and when they are not. Always ask this simple question: What do you really know about your situation that you don’t want to know? Often, we don’t want to know what is not convenient, so we pretend not to know and we hide behind the curtain of a supposedly fated and inevitable soulmate connection.

If that's the case, it is important for us at some point to come out of pretending. Illusion always ends up hurting and no one is getting away with denial. There’s always a price to be paid, especially if we hold out for a final fantasy that we call ‘the soulmate’. There is a time and a place for everything. There’s a time to make effort and there’s a time to let go. Your emotions will help you decide that. Emotions are the feedback your mind gets when it compares your external conditions to your expectations. That’s why emotions are so powerful and so useful. Emotions are your compass; they show you when you should relax or when you should take the exit. Suffering is for the mind what physical pain is for the body. It’s a wake-up call.

Mating is a process that belongs to the body and it’s doubtful an immortal soul has material needs and urges of this sort. If you want to find your soul mate, you have to look inside yourself for inner guidance. It is good that you don't become too confident about things you don’t know. Instead of having blind faith in questionable concepts, you can choose commitment. Commitment to go after what you want without wasting time looking up for divine intervention or waiting for a soul mate to show up and fix it all for you. When you commit yourself to staying right where you are, in the present moment, your experience becomes very intense and vivid and you know what your next step should be. On the contrary, if you have to have something or someone in this world in order to be happy then that addictive thing, experience or person can only cause you to feel powerless in its absence. Take responsibility for the situation you are in and they keys to your happiness are in your hands and not in somebody else’s pocket.

Soulmates may or may not exist  don't get me wrong, it would be nice if they did but it is safer to make life decisions based on what the facts shows us than on an elusive concept that might lead to you to treacherous paths and deceitful realities that can cause a lot of pain. Life never runs out of options.